Infrequently Asked Questions
1. Do you have a favourite cocktail?
What a question! If a gun was held to my head and I had to choose, I’d say a classic champagne cocktail. But I also like a dirty vodka martini (the dirtier the better). A Mint Julep is always a nice way to kick off an evening, but more than one and you run the risk of an under-the-host situation. Hemingway Daiquiris. St Germaines. Aviations. Sorry, I’ve forgotten what you asked.
2. Do you love dogs?
Yeah, I love dogs.
2a. What kind of dogs, though?
Well, ALL dogs, naturally. But if I had to take one home right now it would be a Norfolk terrier or any type of dachshund.
3. What was the closing line of your UCAS application form?
“As Joni Mitchell sings in Woodstock ‘we are stardust, we are golden and we’ve got to get ourselves back to the garden’, a sentiment I would love to live out whilst studying at your university”
4. Did Bristol accept you?
5. Who would you like to have at your dream dinner party?
Christopher Biggins first and foremost, I should think. Then Rod Stewart, Lynn Barber, Keith Richards, Dorothy Parker, Diana Athill, Nora Ephron, Joni Mitchell, David Niven, David Sedaris and Hugh and Billie Holiday. The seating plan is going to be a nightmare.
6. What song do you think has four versions that are all as good as eachother?
Thank you for asking my favourite question. The answer is Just Like A Woman.
7. Do you think more men should have moustaches like Peter Sarstedt?
Yes, I do.
8. What’s your favourite month?
9. What do you make of the 24 buses?
I think they’re bloody brilliant, they’ve done a really good job on them.
10. Which is your favourite Rolling Stones song?
Gimme Shelter, obviously.
11. Do you love The Lakeland catalogue?
Yeah, sucker for a £13 melon baller. Always have been, always will be.
12. What do you believe in that is a bit stupid?
That there is something in star signs, that buying new flowers for the house every week isn’t a complete waste of money and neither is Labour Party membership.
13. Do you have a favourite London station?
Yes, Paddington Station followed closely by St Pancras.
14. What do you like to put on toast the most?
Lemon curd is what I like to put on toast the most.
15. What is your favourite cleaning product?
Difficult question. Dettol spray is versatile, but when carpet stains lift with Vanish Oxi Action, there’s no feeling quite like it.
16. Do you get annoyed about how blustery and rude James Martin is on Saturday Kitchen and the way he asks the celebrity guests disingenuous questions and then very obviously doesn’t listen to the answers?
I do actually, yeah.
17. Lennon or McCartney?
18. Simon or Garfunkel?
19. Bert or Ernie?
20. What was Gary Barlow referring to when he sang of his fist of pure emotion?
Honestly, I wish I knew.